Jason Voorhees vs Michael Myers. Which killer has the better Slashermetrics??

Happy Friday the 13th to all who celebrate. Since 2022, only has one such holiday on the calendar, I felt it appropriate to revisit the Jason V Michael debate. In 2020, I set out to argue what I knew was an unpopular opinion: Why Jason Voorhees was a superior killer to Michael Myers. I know that the overwhelming majority will default to Michael, because Halloween is a better franchise than Friday the 13th. Halloween Kills has released since my last list, so it’s time to update the #Slashermetrics and see where we stand today.

I will use the same five categories as my previous entry to make this comparison. Those categories are: Physical Stature, Preferred Weapon, Kills Skills, Kill Count, and Weird, Supernatural Family Twist. Unfortunately for myself, a Jason Voorhees stan, Halloween Kills made my slashermetric-based article a taller task.

This portion remains mostly unchanged from before. Mostly. Both are massive, hulking beasts. According to dimensions.com, Jason Voorhees checks in at 6’5″, and Michael Myers 6’7″. I have some beef with this tale-of-the-tape, though. Tyler Mane played Myers in the Rob Zombie reboot/sequel, and he’s 6’7″, whereas the OG Myers was Nick Castle, who was nine inches shorter at 5’10”.

To me, the true Jason Voorhees will always be Kane Hodder, who measures to 6’3″. Long story short, they are very similar as far as size and power go. In Halloween H20 Michael demonstrated the core strength of a titan by lowering himself from a ceiling pipe. In Friday the 13th part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan, Jason knocks a dudes head clean off his neck with a punch. Too close to call. Although it would appear from Halloween Kills that Myers also knows Krav Maga and Wushu? He tore up those firemen like Ip Man, just saying.

I’m going to repeat my previous entry on this one. While Halloween Kills provided much needed kill diversity, it didn’t change up the core weapons of choice, a butcher’s knife and a machete. Similar instruments of destruction to be honest. The knife is a little smaller and would work better than a machete if used as a projectile, but that’s not Mikey’s style. The machete is slightly longer and probably better for hacking, but I’d call their respective weapon of choice a wash.

Time for me to atone for sins of the past. In my last review I labeled Michael in a way that many did not like. I referred to his kills skills as “vanilla”. I have to eat my words now. Yes, soak it in Nonnie, Buzz, and Summer of George. I stand by what I said then. To Myers’ credit, he BRINGS it in the latest two movies. Stolen fireman tools, using people as a human shield, fighting against mobs. It was previously an easy Jason Voorhees for me. With the gap narrowed fan bias comes in to play, and I award the round to Mr. Voorhees. I’ll begrudgingly accept the argument for Myers.

I have to poke the bear though. Michael Myers was [typically] as plain Jane as New Balance 608s and tube socks until Danny McBride came along. Let Taika Waititi direct the next F13 movie and see what happens.

Ah, kill count. The entree of our slasher meal. At the end of the day this is the stat that matters. I’m following the same guidelines as before: Reboots don’t count. Ergo, the Rob Zombie Halloween movies and the 2009 Friday the 13th are not being taken into account. Since this is about Jason vs Michael, we will also be omitting Friday the 13th (1980), Friday the 13th V: A New Beginning, and the majority of Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday.

The gap has narrowed significantly from before, but it’s still Jason’s. He racks up a higher kill count in less movies, and his MPK (minutes per kill) is a sleek 6.1 minutes. As mentioned previously, the new Halloween movies provided a big boost to Mikey’s slashermetrics. Those two movies gave us an average of 21 kills per movie at a MPK of 5.1 minutes. By the time Halloween Ends comes out the advantage may well be gone. 2-0, Jason Voorhees.

Horror movie franchises are littered with weirdness. So too, then, should a list comparing killers from said franchises. While the madness that is the Strode family can change this with the upcoming movie, for now it’s all about the mid-’90s horror hilarity.

To Halloween’s credit, they began to plant the seeds in 1989’s Revenge of Michael Myers. The payoff didn’t come until 1995’s Curse of Michael Myers, where we learn that Myers is afflicted with the Curse of Thorn, the source of his evil. He has supernatural powers bestowed to him on Halloween (the night of Sam Hain as it were), where he has to kill his entire family to serve as a sacrifice to a non-descript demon that will otherwise bring sickness and death to the tribe/cult. Since I’ve still got you with me, let’s talk about the crazy one, from 1993’s Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday.

In this flick, we learn that Jason Voorhees isn’t a man so much as he’s an entity. It turns out when he dies, he can temporarily transfer his soul to a human host. He can’t stay in the host for long, and he needs to find a Voorhees body so his spirit can return to super saiyan form. To coincide with this reveal is the caveat that only a Voorhees can “permanently” slay him. Also, there is a magic Voorhees knife that the bounty hunter has. The how’s and the why’s aren’t explained, but hidden in the Voorhees manor (a place never once visited or mentioned in the first eight films) is the Necronomicon of the Evil Dead franchise.

Shockingly, neither franchise bothers to acknowledge these plot points in future installments. Obviously, I’m partial to the Jason Goes to Hell silliness, mostly because this storyline connects the Friday the 13th universe with the Evil Dead universe, and the final scene of the movie gives us one of the biggest and most surprising movie crossover events of all time. Suck it, Marvel.

I still stand by my position that Jason Voorhees is the better killer. That said, Michael has nearly closed the gap across the board. By October 2022 this may be a point even I can’t argue. Just kidding, I’ll argue Jason Voorhees over Michael Myers until my last breath. Happy Friday the 13th!

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Schwartzy is a DILF and (participation) trophy husband. More Splenda Daddy than Sugar. I do the twitter, hit me up! @drschwa_96

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